Last night I prepared dinner for myself while my family was off doing other things.
I love to cook! I love reading recipes, and changing them. Sometimes I follow them exactly as written one time and, based upon the results, I make my own tweaks and changes the next time I make it. I also love looking in my fridge and pulling together a meal with what I see. Last night I roasted salmon in the oven and sautéed onions, spinach and sun dried tomatoes on the stove. One thing was missing, white wine.
The old me, the drinking me, would have added wine to the pan and certainly would have poured wine in the glass while I cooked, and while I ate, and while I cleaned up. Not now. I felt sad. The dish would taste so much better with the layer of flavor the wine would give it. So, I am now faced with learning how to cook without wine; no wine in the risotto to deglaze the pan. I did not put wine in every dish, but I certainly used it often.
Harder than no wine enhancing the flavor of my spinach sauté, was no crisp white wine in a glass while I cooked and then washing down each bite. I felt frustrated. I felt sad. There was no wine in the house so I was not needing will power not to open any, but I did need someone telling me, it’s ok. You can do this.
One of the pillars of AA is the Sponsor. Every member has a sponsor who is their anchor and their lifeline. The person they call instead of pouring a drink. In this case, I wanted someone to cheer me on, to say, “I know. This is hard.” I don’t yet have an AA Sponsor but I do have a fabulous group of angels, near and far, supporting me. So, last night I reached out, thru text, to the one who was most on my mind as I cooked my dinner and my goodness did she lift me up. I sent her a picture of my plate with the words, “…trying to enjoy it and not to miss the wine…” Her response was exactly what I needed to hear:
“That looks lovely — great choice my friend. And oh, how our human nature craves those things that do not serve us. May God lift us up above these longings and fill our hearts.”
Yes, human nature cravings, not God ordained desires. With God as my guide, I can do this. One day, and delicious dinner, at a time. Thank you sweet friend for reminding me of that last night.