The other day I laughed out loud. I don’t remember what was so funny, but it was said by my daughter, and I laughed out loud. The kind of laugh I have not experienced for a very long time. Truly, I cannot remember the last time I really laughed.
The vibration of the sound nourished my soul. It filled me in an unexpected way. I’ve always thought of laughter as something that bubbles out of us and is received by others, not something that feeds the person laughing.
The old me, the nightly drinking me, seldom laughed. She did not see the true joy in little moments. She became irritated by the quick witted comebacks of an intelligent teenager. No longer.
In the moment of that laugh, my biggest surprise was not that I released a big laugh out loud. The biggest surprise of that moment was that my laugh sounded just like my mother’s! She loved a good joke and never hesitated to laugh out loud!
As I continue to walk this path of sobriety, I can feel my mother returning to me, her thoughts, her wisdom, her laugh. I had used wine as a way to drown my grief, but in the process I nearly downed my memories and my joy. Hearing her laugh, I know that the memories and joy are being revived and are breathing again.