I am so very thankful for the roof over my head, the food in my pantry, the love of my family, the grace of the Lord.  I have nothing to complain about in these days of worldwide pandemic and crisis, yet my flesh is uncomfortable.  I hear a judging voice in my head comparing my chaotic mess of a kitchen to the stunning Insta-worthy images I see from FB “friends” and advertisers.  I feel inadequate when watching video clips of creative virtual Easter celebrations around the globe.  The countless stories of the heroes on the front lines in hospitals, soup kitchens and grocery stores make me cringe with guilt for sheltering in my home.  I have to actively remind myself that I AM doing something by staying home, protecting my immune compromised loved one.

Trying to silence that negative voice is exhausting.  Draining.  Truth be told it leaves me feeling empty and depleted of energy.

A while ago, quite a while ago, I listened to a wonderful book that became one of the tools I relied upon to stop drinking.  FERVENT by Priscilla Shirer is a powerful book filled with practical advice for how to tap into the strength of the Holy Spirit through prayer.

FERVENT helped me see the importance of a daily refueling of my soul.  I now realize I had allowed my spiritual fuel tank to run out of gas.  I had been so busy focusing on Covid19 news, statistics and safety guidelines, that I had stopped taking time for daily prayer and quiet.  I had let my spiritual gas tank run out of fuel.

This week I started listening again through Audible to Priscilla’s warm and encouraging voice.  Her gentle explanations led me back to the import act of focusing a part of each day on my faith through reading my Bible and through prayer.

Early one morning I listened to her warning me about the pitfalls of the evil voices.  As she instructed me to talk back to them, I looked around my kitchen and attempted to follow her advice.  Instead of feeling frustration with last night’s dirty dishes, I said a prayer of thanksgiving for the food we ate upon them.  Instead of feeling irritation that I had to empty and fill the dishwasher again, I lifted prayers of gratitude for the sanitized cleanliness of the dishes I was about to put away.  Instead of wishing for a tidy kitchen, I reflected on the memories of meals shared and began thinking about what I’d create from the panty for dinner that night.

The voice in our head can be strong and assertive.  Thankfully, I’ve been reminded that the voice of God in my soul is even more powerful, especially when I spend time each day listening for it, and reading it, and speaking aloud what I know is good and true.  Those simple daily acts help silence the negative and fear filled voice in my head.

I am thankful to have been reminded this week, that I cannot just tap into the source of the positive voice in my soul once in a while.  I must fill my spiritual tank daily with the healing fuel of my faith.