When your bottom is not deep, it is easy to see over the edge where people gather in joyful celebration. When your bottom is not deep, it is easy to see the horizon where the sun glistens on a cool and inviting river of wine. When your bottom is not deep, it is easy to hear the voices in the breeze telling you … Continue reading …the bottom
I stumbled on a video yesterday, the morning of July 4th. While it felt like a random encounter, I know God placed it in my path to find, saying “Watch This”, on a day when I would be able to receive the messages it contained. The video was actually produced and aired about 9 months ago, but I was drinking then, and I didn’t see … Continue reading Watch this….
I am Kate Spade. For those of you who know me beyond my writing, let me clarify. I have not ever considered suicide, but who knows what would have happened if I had not gotten help and stopped drinking. Kate Spade obviously struggled with mental health, whether or not she drank. I have struggled with alcoholism, also a mental health disease. Alcoholics drink to change … Continue reading Behind the facade….
I recall a counselor once telling me, in her experience if a person questions if they are drinking too much then they likely are. But are you an alcoholic? Only you can answer that, she said. The problem, as I see it, with the disease of alcoholism is there is no medical test that proves you are an alcoholic. Scientists have created tests that show … Continue reading Getting off the train…
Permanent. Progressive. Fatal. Disease. When someone has a permanent, progressive, fatal disease we follow God’s word and help them. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4 (RSV) If I had cancer, people would all rally around me. They’d drive me to chemotherapy. They’d create FundMe pages to raise money for my treatments. … Continue reading What if….
We each have our own unique story and our own particular needs. What happens when an alcoholic goes to a meeting and the discussion causes pain or distress? What happens when the place that is supposed to be building us up actually tears us down? Out of the corner of my eye I see her shudder and her face crumple. I want to take her … Continue reading Finding my own path….
I confided in a friend the other day. She is a dear sweet young angel with a loving husband and great kids. I confided in her because, although I am as old as her mother, I can see myself in her. I confided in her because I know she looks to me for advice as someone whom she admires. I confided in her because I … Continue reading Seeing myself in her….
My journey of sobriety is a rather selfish one, where I find myself focused on my needs before anyone else’s. This is a strange sensation for me as I tend to put myself and my needs last, behind those of my child, husband, family and friends. Self care is actually an important part of an alcoholic’s healing journey. By nature, an alcoholic generally does not … Continue reading Becoming selfish….
My fractured Lent began nine years ago when I gave up wine for Lent, almost seven weeks after my mother died. At the time, I knew I was drinking too much. I knew ending each day in a haze of wine was not helping my grief. I thought that giving it up for Lent would allow me to break my pattern and move on. Trouble … Continue reading A fractured Lent
I knew it was only a matter of time until my sobriety would be tested in the face of bad news, or a difficult situation, or a major life stress. She has cancer, again. We met in college. We’ve been there for each other through all the milestones of life, celebrating, supporting, crying, and laughing. While we live too far from one another to just … Continue reading The 7:30 pm call….