Tears welled up in my eyes as I hugged her goodbye. They spilled over and ran down my cheeks as I whispered my prayer for the journey ahead. Trying to smile, I wiped the drops away as we parted. In that moment I was embarrassed by my tears but driving away I realized that showing my emotions, rather than keeping them hidden away, is a … Continue reading Illusions…
The crisis has passed. The clouds have lifted and I can see blue sky and feel a gentle breeze on my face as I walk in the sun. I weathered the storm life threw at me and I did not drown my fear in wine. I feel victorious, and exhausted. It took so much strength to deal with the daily stresses of the last few … Continue reading Lost and found…
I’m exhausted. I’ve had a really stressful day. Witnessed a scary car crash that almost collected me. Called 911, comforted the victim, and held it together until I eventually got home. Long afternoon followed by a busy evening with overnight house guests. Tried baking a muffin recipe I’ve made over a hundred times, but did not really pay attention and left the sugar out. Fortunately, … Continue reading That old feeling…
I recall a counselor once telling me, in her experience if a person questions if they are drinking too much then they likely are. But are you an alcoholic? Only you can answer that, she said. The problem, as I see it, with the disease of alcoholism is there is no medical test that proves you are an alcoholic. Scientists have created tests that show … Continue reading Getting off the train…
Celebrations can be hard. While I choose to remain anonymous in this Blog, I have been increasingly more open with family and close friends about the journey I am on. I’m finding it really helps to be honest and discover that people are both supportive and knowing. It’s been amazing to me how many women have responded… Me, Too! I wrote those words on … Continue reading Celebrating…
We each have our own unique story and our own particular needs. What happens when an alcoholic goes to a meeting and the discussion causes pain or distress? What happens when the place that is supposed to be building us up actually tears us down? Out of the corner of my eye I see her shudder and her face crumple. I want to take her … Continue reading Finding my own path….
After sharing at a recent Meeting I received a text from a fellow AA member, she said – ‘You make it look easy. I wish it were easy for me.’ She is looking at an illusion. This is not easy. I struggle. I choose to put a positive face on but it is hard. I walk in circles. I eat ice cream. I go take … Continue reading Illusions…
I confided in a friend the other day. She is a dear sweet young angel with a loving husband and great kids. I confided in her because, although I am as old as her mother, I can see myself in her. I confided in her because I know she looks to me for advice as someone whom she admires. I confided in her because I … Continue reading Seeing myself in her….
My fractured Lent began nine years ago when I gave up wine for Lent, almost seven weeks after my mother died. At the time, I knew I was drinking too much. I knew ending each day in a haze of wine was not helping my grief. I thought that giving it up for Lent would allow me to break my pattern and move on. Trouble … Continue reading A fractured Lent
The other day I laughed out loud. I don’t remember what was so funny, but it was said by my daughter, and I laughed out loud. The kind of laugh I have not experienced for a very long time. Truly, I cannot remember the last time I really laughed. The vibration of the sound nourished my soul. It filled me in an unexpected way. I’ve … Continue reading The sound of her laugh…
Tidbits of Thoughts and Tastes 