Bending over I snip off another flower head and drop it into the bucket. Brown decaying and lifeless, these are destined for the compost pile not a vase on my dining table. Deadheading is to remove dead flower heads to encourage further blooming For days, to be honest weeks, I’ve ignored the once vibrant pink geraniums planted so carefully in the end of May. … Continue reading …deadheading
I walk along the sidewalk, alone, hoping not to cross paths with anyone for fear of catching It. Alone is how I live now. Alone in my home. Alone in my mind. Even when blessed by family under the same roof, I feel alone. In some ways this isn’t new. This feeling of being alone, but somehow it is now more acute than before. I … Continue reading I think about you often….
Sitting in my family room the other morning, house quiet as my family slept in, I looked around me. The kitchen was still cluttered with dishes that did not make it into the already full dishwasher, a basket next to me overflowed with balls of yarn I wanted to knit, the coffee table in front of me a Jenga tower of magazines ready to topple. … Continue reading …filling the void
You don’t see it coming until it’s too, late. It creeps up on you. The days are ordinary, albeit full of the normal stresses of life. And then something happens, and the world feels quite different. Sitting on the beach, soaking up the sun and watching your children play at the water’s edge, it’s the tsunami wave sailing toward you from miles off, about to … Continue reading …the thief
In the days when every night ended with multiple glasses of wine, my daily responsibilities and routine were the switch that kept my drinking in check. The carpool and committee meetings, and the daily tasks I carried out as Family Manager, ensured that no wine was poured before 5pm. God knew that the time would come for me when those superficial controls would disappear. Children would go … Continue reading …5 o’clock
I love this analogy! Wish I could take credit for it but I cannot – When we stop drinking it’s like we are pregnant and we are giving birth to a new life! Our new life. I am going to hold fast to this image in the days, weeks and months ahead. I’m going to add to it the idea of self-care that I read somewhere else. Just … Continue reading …. 9 months
In AA we are taught to take life “one day at a time”. Well, I’ve got that down. I can do my days, sun shining or rain falling, days I can do. Move forward, check the list, one task after another, even those days that I’m quiet and reflective, days I can do. But nights are a different story. As the energy of activity winds … Continue reading …one at a time
When your bottom is not deep, it is easy to see over the edge where people gather in joyful celebration. When your bottom is not deep, it is easy to see the horizon where the sun glistens on a cool and inviting river of wine. When your bottom is not deep, it is easy to hear the voices in the breeze telling you … Continue reading …the bottom
The January sky is gray and the air cool, but not cold, with a threat of rain. You know the kind of day that makes you want to stay in your pj’s, curled up in bed, binge watching a series on your iPad. It’s the kind of day you have when life has kept you in fast forward for weeks since the 6:30am phone call … Continue reading …a tap on the shoulder
She called this morning. She called because she cannot reply when she sees I’ve texted her. She lives too far away for me to pop in and remind her of my love so I text randomly to let her know she’s in my heart. Her voice is weak and her voice is strong. Her spirit is fighting and her spirit is tired. Her words are … Continue reading Precious….