Seeing myself in her….

I confided in a friend the other day.  She is a dear sweet young angel with a loving husband and great kids.  I confided in her because, although I am as old as her mother, I can see myself in her.  I confided in her because I know she looks to me for advice as someone whom she admires.  I confided in her because I want her to know that appearances are not reality.

Over the last few years, I know it appeared to her as if I had everything under control.  Like my life was all bliss and if something was stressful, I just handled it.  My young friend and I have shared much over the last few years and I know she thinks that I’ve done all the giving and none of the receiving, but that is not true.  By opening her heart to me, inviting me to be part of her support system, and trusting me to help with her most precious angels, she has given more to me than she will ever know.

Looking at her I feel as if I’m looking in a mirror that goes back in time.  I see myself in younger days, brain spinning with so many responsibilities and life moving so very fast.  I see myself demanding perfection and then feeling disappointment when I did not reach it.  I see myself trying to control all around me and becoming frustrated and scared when I cannot.  I see myself trying to live up to expectations that really only I am putting in front of myself.

I confided in her because I want her to know, this person whom she put on a pedestal and measures herself against, is simply an imperfect soul, just like her.  I am a flawed child of God who is doing the best that she can each step of the way.  I might have on lipstick and a pretty scarf when we meet, but I am hiding a tempest of chaos and doubt inside.

I confided in her because I hope to empower her not to walk down the same beguiling path of alcohol addiction that I did.   In the beginning it is a lovely path, one that invites the exhausted young mother to treat herself to a glass of wine after her babies are in bed.  It is an alluring path, one that says, You will have more fun with your friends after a few drinks.  It is a deceiving path that will eventually lead you into clouds and fog that you will find difficult to escape.

I confided in her because I want to help her learn what it took me much too long to learn; to lean on God, not herself, and not alcohol;  to let God handle the worrying and the fretting;  to listen for His quiet voice in her soul to guide her path; and to trust her heart, because it is wise and loving, and good.

In the clarity of my sobriety I know that God is giving me a voice and a story to share.  I keep feeling His nudge and when I do, I try to obey, and share, or confide, or write.   The other day I heeded His nudge and confided in someone whom I love and am so very thankful to have in my life.  I am very glad that I did and look forward to finding out where He will lead our friendship now!

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